Meet The Girl With Two Vaginas

No, this is not the title of a Stieg Larsson novel…

YouTube viral star Cassandra Bankson (22) was diagnosed with a rare medical condition during a routine kidney scan: she has TWO vaginas! Oddly enough, Cassandra gained notoriety from her YouTube videos (DiamondsAndHeels14) helping other people with bad skin like hers to use make-up to cover up evidence of acne, pimples and blemishes. It was only after she had been experiencing pain in her kidneys that she went to the doctor for a diagnosis, which is when she discovered that she has two chochas!

Since she hit puberty, Cassandra has suffered from an abnormal menses involving excessive bleeding, sometimes for more than three weeks at a time, crippling cramps, mood swings and more. She sometimes even has two periods per month! Watch this  video to meet this Internet sensation and find out what a day in the life of a woman with two ham wallets is like.

Amazing Science Video Source: “YouTube Star Reveals She Has Two Vagina’s” Uploaded by Barcroft TV on  YouTube channel https://youtu.be/7Yq4-n1hogs

The Placebo Effect

Placebo Effect Matrix

In all likelihood, you’ve heard of the Placebo Effect before. Not Placebo, the whiney, androgynous, English alternative rock group. I’m talking about the Placebo Effect. I find that the best and most scientifically accurate explanation of this fascinating phenomenon is provided by the 1970’s rock band, Journey:

“Don’t stop, belieeeeeving!! Hold on to that feeeeeeeling!!”

Definition

The Placebo Effect is the actual or at least perceived improvement noted when a patient is given a totally useless “medicine” or “treatment” for a condition or disease. Only, the patient doesn’t know that the pills he or she is taking are actually completely inert, such as sugar pills, which are about as useful in treating disease as 10 Hail Mary’s. Sugar pills can’t cure anything other than boring tea, but, interestingly enough, you can overdose on them. When you do, the results are a hammering heart rate, Type 2 diabetes and hyperactivity.

Hyperactive girl child

Why on EARTH would any doctor want to treat a patient with sugar pills? If the treatment is ineffective, aren’t they wasting the patient’s time: why would they risk that?

Well, placebos, which come in the form of medicines AND procedures, including surgery, are most importantly used in medical research and in the development of new pharmaceuticals. In other words, they’re not actually prescribed by doctors to ailing patients.

Placebos are used in clinical trials to measure the physical response of patients to a useless drug (which they believe to be the real thing), versus those on an active drug. This helps the lab-coat clad nerds developing the medicine understand what improvement is a result of actual curing versus psychological “wishful thinking”.

Playing with Placebos: How to Perform Clinical Trials on Human Lab Rats

Medical procedure placebo

First and foremost, you recruit a group of people who all have a certain disease or fulfill a certain physical profile and pay them money to be your guinea pigs. You treat half of your lab rats with the medicine you’re developing – the medicine that’s actually supposed to cure them. Then, you take the other half and you feed them sugar pills, or perform mock surgery on them. LAWD knows how you pull that off… you may get away with anesthetizing a patient, but cutting up their body with a scalpel for no darn reason is sure to piss someone off.

You tell BOTH groups that they’re receiving a treatment designed to cure their condition and its symptoms OR you don’t tell either group anything. There are, in actual fact, many different kinds of placebo procedures: some involve telling your study group that they’re receiving proper treatment (as the above example pointed out) and others involve discretion and so neither group – the test group nor the placebo group – knows whether they’re taking a real pill or a sugar pill.

You then get your guinea pigs to keep a detailed record of the way they feel and the intensity of any symptoms over the course of the next however long is necessary. This is complemented by regularly scheduled physical examinations, so that you can keep your doctorly eye over their progress, or regress in the case of Temafloxacin. Oops.

Mind Over Matter

Placebo-effect mind over matter

The awesome thing about the Placebo Effect, which is a pervasive phenomenon that has been documented in countless medical study groups and controlled clinical trials, is that many of the patients who believe they’re being treated do get better! Or at least they feel better! What doctors have found is that the Placebo Effect plays a role in just about every medical intervention we use on a daily basis, such as when you take an aspirin for a headache.

Unless you prefer headaches to sex.

Of course the medication works on a pharmaceutical level, but a small component of the treatment is you believing that it will work. The power of this positive thinking actually makes you feel better, if not physically, then at least about life in general. Hope is the heroine of the emotional spectrum (not the kind that wears a cape).

What the Placebo Effect illustrates is the incredible power of the mind in controlling our physical wellness. A fake treatment will, in all likelihood, not go so far as curing a disease (this is a science blog… let’s not get ahead of ourselves), but it certainly can distract us from the symptoms. If you believe you’re being treated for pain or fatigue, for example, the Placebo Effect can see you feeling better, more comfortable and perhaps more energetics simply because you believe you’re being treated. Your mind fuels your body’s convalescence.

mind-over-matter-funny

The same can be said for the opposite: just think how you feel after heartbreak. Physically, there is nothing wrong with you and medically, there’s no such thing as a “broken heart”. Yet, you are burdened with the most incredible fatigue, overwhelming lethargy and even slight nausea. Depression and sadness are powerful things and their physical manifestations can leave even the most stoic of individuals crippled. It therefore goes to reason that the opposite – optimism, hope, relief – can bring about the opposite physical manifestations, such as a relief of pain and more energy.

This is not fantasy, it is a phenomena that has been documented innumerable times in the medical literature. So why not use placebos to treat non-threatening conditions? It would save us a staggering amount of money on medicine while negating the need for us to pollute our bodies with expensive chemicals… wouldn’t it?

The problem is the Placebo Effect, while widely documented, is not predictable and reliable. Since it is largely the result of “mind over matter” and, let’s face it, some people’s minds are a beer short of a six-pack, this effect cannot be used as the basis for an official medical treatment. It might work for some, but it might not work for others. And when you have irritable bowel syndrome, the last thing you want is a medicine that might work or might not work. 

Something Smacks of Deception… 

placebo-funny-comic

Yes, there are a number of ethical issues concerned with using placebos. In the context of medical testing and clinical trials, the use of fake pills or procedures may be well and dandy, but many people have issues with the fact that the entire premise of a placebo is to be deceptive. A patient believes they’re being treated or at least that the doctor is trying to treat them. Imagine how you’d feel if, after 6 years of a clinical trial, you find out you’ve been taking sugar pills the whole time. And here you were thinking you had a genetic predisposition to tooth decay!

The important distinction to be made here is the use of placebos in laboratory research as opposed to clinical trials. When you’re testing a “fake” medicine on patients who need actual treatment, you’re kind of wasting their time. Also, if the condition is serious enough, you could be allowing it to progress to a point of permanent and irreversible damage. These are all issues raised by people who, interestingly enough, will take medicine when sick. The very same medicine that went through these clinical testing processes involving placebos and human lab rats.

Class Dismissed: Your Take-Home Message

Pills placebo

Even though placebo pills or procedures aren’t designed to actually change anything, they have been documented to work, which is pretty awesome because it highlights just how powerful our minds are. If you’ve ever felt stoned just from hanging out with a bunch of hippies (who’s stereotyping?) or drunk after a cocktail you were TOLD had tequila in it, but didn’t… then you’ve experienced the Placebo Effect, which is completely hang-over free!

The ethical debate raging around the use of placebos in clinical trials is interesting and one in which I would be torn asunder if I had to partake. While I’m all for the advancement of medical science and technology, I wouldn’t like to think that I’m being messed about by my treating physician. On the other hand, if your doctor tells you “would you like to take part in an experimental treatment, yadda yadda,” I’d be damn sure to read the fine print.

And finally… a fantastic bit of trivia: Placebo means (in Latin), “I shall please”. That doesn’t mean you can start feeding your girlfriend sugar pills in the hope that it lives up to its literal translation, but if it does work in getting her fired up in bed, be sure to let me know…

You may have stumbled across on of the biggest medical discoveries of our time.

Oral Hell and Oral Health

Funny view from inside mouthImage Source: Smint Ad Campaign

You could have Jessica Alba’s skin, Scarlett Johansson’s lips, Mila Jovovich’s eyes and Angelina Jolie’s (ex) boobs… but if your breath could melt cement, you can ship your ass off to the other side of that bar, thank you!

A beautiful smile is perhaps the most cliché of all physical assets when it comes to what one considers attractive; that and hair and eyes. While there’s not much you can do to maintain beautiful eyes (besides cutting down on smoking herb), all your teeth need is regular brushing and flossing and the reward you enjoy is a beautiful white smile. This is something that Hollywood superstars spend a veritable fortune on.

Yet in spite of the glaringly obvious logic, oral hygiene doesn’t get the recognition it should and as far as attraction is concerned, I consider it key! Why? Do you have any idea what goes on in your mouth? It’s a writhing cesspool of bacteria!

Your Mouth: Pathogen Paradise

oral-bacteria-in-your-mouth

We share our world, our body and our mouths with billions of tiny microorganisms. Being a warm moist cavity, your mouth is an excellent environment for them because, just like Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton, bacteria love warm, moist cavities.

The proliferation of oral bacteria is fuelled by the sugar and food debris left in your mouth after eating a meal, or after sipping on a delicious, ice cold beverage. Mmmm, beer. But, just like everything else that eats, bacteria need to use the toilet too and the wastes they produce are not only acidic, they are also packed with sulphuric compounds. These – if you can recall that unfortunate incident in High School chemistry class, your mother’s nauseating flatulence or a visit to the local geothermal hot springs – smell very much like rotten eggs.

And aside from the obvious onion and garlic-loaded meal, THIS is what causes bad breath: bacteria poop.

young girl checks her breath with her hand

In addition to using your teeth as their bathroom, bacteria are workaholics. Their wastes accumulate relentlessly on your tongue, teeth and gums in between your efforts to keep them clean. If you ever wanted to see evidence of this waste, simply use your fingernail to gently scrape at your teeth, particularly at the margin with the gums. That white sticky substance that comes off is called plaque and it’s composed of alive bacteria, dead bacteria and bacteria poop.

Left in place for too long, plaque becomes tartar. Bacteria establish vast condominiums and apartment blocks, perhaps a school or two, a post office, library and police station ON your teeth. In other words, a far more permanent settlement and no amount of vigorous brushing can tear down these structures. To remove tartar, you need to see the dental hygienist who will get to work destroying the lives of gazillions of bacteria families by levelling schools, razing houses to the ground and basically bringing Armageddon down upon the pathogens inhabiting your mouth.

The Tyranny of Plaque and Tartar

funny Horse with open mouth

Plaque and tartar are the reason dentists encourage you to brush your teeth more than just once a month. All it takes is a few hours for bacteria to coat your teeth in their gross mess and the acidity of it eats away at your teeth, which causes cavities. So, contrary to popular understanding, sugar, sweets and candy don’t cause cavities, bacteria do. But bacteria, like Bill Cosby, LOVE them some sugar. It provides them with the energy to multiply faster and so, people who eat a lot of sugar and refined carbohydrates will probably find themselves at a greater risk of cavities than those who eat healthily, like those annoying vegans and vegetarians who are out to make everyone look like sadomasochists.

The tyranny of bacteria poop doesn’t end there… being highly acidic, it also irritates the soft tissues in your mouth, particularly the gums, which become angry and inflamed in response. The medical terminology for inflammation is “itis” – think laryngitis (inflammation of the larynx), tendonitis (inflammation of a tendon), meningitis (inflammation of the brain)… and so, people with poor oral hygiene and a diet full of sweets, candy, alcohol and other delights tend to suffer from gingivitis (inflammation of the gums).

Then there’s periodontitis.

Periodontitis. Claiming Teeth and Killing Sex Lives Since, Like, Forever 

Funny old man toothless

Image Source: FunnyChillies.com

Periodontitis is gingivitis on steroids. It’s what happens over the course of many years when you neglect to brush and floss your teeth frequently enough. It’s what happens when you compliment your deplorable oral hygiene routine with habits such as smoking, excessive drinking and a diet that is full of the wrong stuff and in severe shortage of the right stuff.

Heads up: do NOT Google “periodontitis” if you want to keep your lunch down.

Periodontitis (peri – “around”, dont – “tooth”, itis – “inflammation”) is an aggressive bacterial infection of the gums and one that extends deep into the seemingly watertight spaces between the roots of your teeth and the gums that surround them. It does this by slowly destroying the ligaments and tissues that attach the gums to the teeth, thereby forming deep pockets in which oral bacteria are left to happily bonk (themselves), produce babies and poop to their heartless content.

At this stage in the infection, there is absolutely nothing you can do to redeem yourself, unless you can figure out how to get a toothbrush underneath your gum tissue to scrub your tooth roots clean, although I’m guessing that would be about as uncomfortable as the silence around the dinner table after your mom has accidentally discovered your vibrator.

So what’s the solution? What can people who have neglected their oral health do to be able to breathe again without offending everybody within a three-mile radius?

Female medical doctor - dentist - showing chewing gum. Dental care

Salivation, I Mean, Salvation 

The good news is that if you have been diagnosed with gum problems such as gingivitis or, Gawd forbid, periodontitis, treatment is available! Also, you’re not alone. According to the Centre for Disease Control, a pretty shocking 80% of the population of America suffers with some kind of gum infection, be it localised or general, mild or aggressive.

And you guys are supposed to be the most advanced nation on the planet? Pssshhh!

If you have been diagnosed with gum problems, you will just have to resign yourself to to the fact that you’re going to have to spend a couple of uncomfortable sessions in the dentist’s chair. You might even be referred to a dental specialist known as a periodontist. What’s the difference? Periodontists sit back in their chair with a calm demeanour and steepled fingers in a way that only those who charge a disgusting amount of money for 15 minutes of their time can do.

I want to be one of those people one day.

Periodontists also focus their efforts on treating conditions, infections and diseases that affect the gum tissue and bone surrounding the teeth, much like a cardiovascular surgeons focuses on treating conditions, infections and diseases that affect the heart. The good thing about opting for timely treatment is that the alternative is tooth loss and a sloppy, gummy smile that is guaranteed to end your sex life for good.

toothless-man

What’s The Prognosis, Doc?

Dental treatment may cost a fair penny and it may not be the most pleasurable sensation in the world having your gums peeled back from the roots of your teeth to clear out all the muck, bacteria and other gross things you’ve been harbouring there since you decided to quit your oral hygiene career and instead become a hedonistic couch potato. When you consider the outcomes of this kind of decision, I find it difficult to believe that anyone would make any other choice. But there IS another choice short of ignoring how disgusting you’ve allowed your mouth to become and it’s a revelation of epic proportions. It will blow your mind! It will change your life forever!

Dental hygiene

Prevention!

Ask any pregnant teen! Prevention is the answer! Just first make sure they aren’t of the Mormon persuasion, because I believe teen pregnancy is quite normal to them.

Prevention is better than cure and this may be the boring part because it reminds you of every conversation you’ve ever had with your dentist. By brushing your teeth at least twice a day, by flossing before you go to bed at night EVERY night and by visiting the dentist once per year to have your teeth professionally cleaned and your oral health assessed, you can prevent yourself from falling victim to gross diseases like gingivitis and periodontitis. You can prevent the build-up of bacterial poop on your pearly whites, gums and tongue, thereby helping to keep your breath tolerable, rather than smelling like a flatulant geothermal vent.

This is a good thing because if you enjoy kissing people of the opposite sex (or same sex; no one’s judging) then the clean breath associated with a healthy mouth is a MUST. Like I said right at the start: you could be a vision of smouldering hotness, but if you have the kind of mephitic breath that is befitting of the family lavatory after Mexican food night, I would literally rather make out with Rosie O’Donnell.

Class Dismissed: Your Take-Home Message

happy and smiling girl with a smile painted on paper

In this horribly germophobic society we live in, there is this ridiculous paradox: the same people who go out of their way to NOT touch the stairway banister or escalator railing in the fear of contracting the Ebola virus, will go to bed without flossing their teeth. The same people who shower two or even three times a day and insist on changing their bed sheets every week haven’t seen the inside of a dentist’s office since they had their braces removed at the age of 14.

There are three integral components to maintaining good oral health and they are so easy, there’s absolutely no excuse for not doing them: (1) brush two to three times a day for two minutes at a time, (2) floss every day before you go to bed at night and (3) see your dentist and oral hygienist at least once per year.

There’s nothing more attractive than a healthy smile. Also, you’re not a shark. You only have one chance at permanent teeth, so look after them!